Let your beauty unfold

I am not going to read too much into this. What happened tonight really shouldn’t of happened.

It really is a form of self torture.
I drive over there and be nice and then go along with everything. No, you’re not the bad guy. The bad guy here is probably me. No, it is.

How can I want someone to come back to me when I’m not faithful?

I’m not faithful with myself or the man I claim to love.

What a hypocrite. I say I won’t be like I was before but then I go back.

I will no longer say I want prince charming or I want a gentleman.

Because he doesn’t exist. Only in movies and books.

I am a cheater. A liar and a theif.
And tonight I really played the part.

On one hand I can blow it of.
Say nah it was only one night. You’re no whore so don’t act like one or I can do what I’m doing and be mean to myself as punishment.

It’s 5am. My self worth is at a zero and I’m falling asleep. Although I would like it too. It will not take away my shame.

Goodnight. I will make better decisions in the morning. (hopefully)

Work

Is going smoothly.

Time is all relative. Why be miserable and sad when life is so beautiful and so silly.

I love it. It helps having friends by my side.

Things will all fall into place.

Done for now

I’m done hiding my feelings and acting like my life and my happiness don’t matter. 

I am done looking at what I want and sitting back and watching someone else reap the benefits. 

I AM THE CAPTAIN OF MY OWN FATE.

My memories keep me alive.

I am working so hard to be the person I want to be and I want to be for you. 

I know we belong together. 

Time, space and other people will not get in the way. 

You have always inspired me to be the best I could be. 

Isn’t that what love is? At least part of it.

Wanting to be the best you for the one you love. 

I don’t have all the answers and I never could get my words out right to keep you around but honestly, tell me, is she better than me? 

She may share things of mine. Like hair color or a birth name or poor eye sight  but when it comes down to it.. She doesn’t have a heart like mine.

So I will sit here and hear all these songs and see all these movies that remind me of you and I will wait for you. 

Because I need you in my life. That’s a fact and I can not hide from it.

I lost you once and I’ve been reeling ever since. 

I’ve push past it once thinking it would just go away but you’ve never gone away. 

From my heart or my mind.

You are apart of me. 

Others just come and go. 

Wouldn’t you want a love like mine? 

Endless.

I’m so sorry for everything. Can we begin again..

I’m ready to get my happy beginning.

and share all the birthdays, holidays and the rest of our days together. 

<3